How Much Freedom is Too Much?

Allowing teens to spread their wings and knowing when to lean in can be a tricky dance. How can parents know when to give them room to grow or when to provide much needed boundaries? Students who are responsible and seem to be on the right track may tempt parents to allow them more and more freedom. These parents have no thought their child could be dishonest or succumb to teenage pressures. What can a parent do to make sure even their "good kids" have proper boundaries.

• Determine to check in, not just when things are wrong or if there is a problem but as a point of connection. Call to see how their day is going or if they made it to their destination ok.
  

• Know his/her friends, invite them over for dinner or for a movie night - knowing who your child is spending time with is crucial.
  

• Pay attention to changing patterns - for example, they always came home at a certain time to study, and they haven't lately or they are spending more time in their room with the door closed. Be curious, care about what is going on in their lives, do not assume everything is ok simply because there are no obvious issues. Have conversations about boundaries and consequences before you need to. It's great older teens have access to the family vehicle - but any time? anywhere? are there any parts of town they should not go, is there a curfew in place? is there anyone who cannot ride in the vehicle? Have these conversations (along with consequences) before handing over the keys. Who can they give their cellphone number to? Is there a curfew, will the messages be checked? Susie goes to her friend's house after school, are they allowed to go to anyone else's house? Are other friends allowed to come over? what if her friend's parents aren't home?

It can be exhausting trying to stay ahead of possible scenarios, but by having these conversations beforehand you are creating boundaries that denote areas of safety and help your child recognize when they are operating outside of them and could be exposed to danger. No one wants to be "that" parent but setting boundaries is necessary to help kids spread their wings and stay safe at the same time.