10 Ways to Help Your Child Make the Leap from Middle School to High School

Transitioning from middle school to high school can be stressful. Many students express not only nervousness but fear and anxiety about how they will be perceived and what will happen to them at a new school with older teens. Parents also experience their own anxieties about what their children will learn or be exposed to and wonder if their child might be bullied. These are all valid concerns. Here are a few tips to navigate crossing over from middle school to high school. 1. Help your child celebrate their past achievements in middle school. Why is this important? It creates a bridge between what they have done and what is possible for them to do in the future. It helps them end the year on a positive note and builds confidence for being able to tackle new things in the future. The celebration could be a pool party or beach party or just a movie night with friends. Preferably other friends who are going into high school with them. This strengthens their bond and reminds them that they are not going into this alone. 2. Encourage them to write thank you notes or give gifts of appreciation to the teachers and adults who were there for them in middle school. This also forces their brain to acknowledge that they are not alone, that there are people, adults, who love them and believe in them and want them to succeed. This is great because it reminds them who they can talk to if they are in trouble, it also creates a positive peer pressure, by reminding them that these people believe in them. 3. Be sure and take the school tours and attend the parent/teacher nights that are offered. Having your child be on the school grounds and meet their teachers ahead of time will help them feel more prepared and a little less nervous on the first day. They also may meet a few people or see people they know. This is also a time for you to get to know the teacher and build communication so that if something does happen, you both can work together. 4. Over the summer talk to them about friendship, how to be a good friend but also how to recognize true friends and those who aren't. This skill is important because some teens want to fit in so badly, they will latch on to other teens who do not have their best interest at heart. Developing this skill can keep them out of that loop. 5. Develop guidelines around technology. Teens are often exposed to inappropriate content by other teens. Talk to your child about pornography and its dangers. Arm your child with phrases they can say when people try to show them inappropriate content. Tell them what they can do and practice it so that they know what to expect and how to respond. They may feel left out if everybody is doing it but encourage them that walking away is best. 6. Encourage their extracurricular friendships, - Making friends can be difficult and some kids can feel like they don't fit in or have any true friends, it's always good for them to have multiple friend groups so that if one of them fractures (they often do) they have another group to lean on. These groups can exist at church, on a sports team or any other club or activity they enjoy. 7. Help your child to get a vision for their future- where do they want to go to college? What do they want to become when they graduate? etc. - what sports or clubs do they want to join in high school? This can help them beyond the drudgery of assignments and homework, it builds their "why" and makes the unpleasant parts worth it. 8. Make sure your child has basic social skills. Do they know how to introduce themselves to others, introduce a friend, start a conversation, or end a conversation politely? Do they have basic empathy and naturally reach to help others in need? - enrolling them in a class or practicing these skills a few times a week can help them be ready when they move into a different environment. Half of confidence is just feeling able to handle whatever may come your way. When teens know what to do in social situations, it makes things a little less scary. Compliment them on what they do well, this will build that confidence. " Thanks for helping our neighbor," I loved how you shook Mr. Smith's hand and gave great eye contact, you are becoming so mature!" 9. Strengthen your bond - spend at least 15 minutes a day with your child, just doing what they enjoy without correcting them or turning anything into a teaching moment. This time says, " I like you" and builds a bond that they will need to fall back on when the stresses of high school hit. Allow your child to vent to you without correcting their attitudes or telling them what they should do. Just listen. This can be difficult because you see the incorrect logic or the emotions that are off kilter and you want to help - that time will come but if you short cut it, to fixing the problem, you have silenced your child and cut off a valuable channel of communication - take the summer to build your own communication skills of just listening without judgement and being there for your teen. Remind them to come to you with whatever they are facing, no matter what it is, that you will be there to help them and both of you will tackle the problem together. 10. Become their Coach- If you don't correct, what do you do? Listen patiently and ask them questions - be their coach and help them arrive to their own conclusions "How did that make you feel?" and "what do you want to do about that?" trust what you have already taught them and give them time and space to make good decisions. If you have a family night of prayer and bible reading, allow that time to do the teaching and instruction. Wait until times of calm when the opportunity arises to share your own struggles in non-related scenarios - "That made me really angry, but I remembered this scripture and it really helped me" Listening to their thoughts and fears, validating them without trying to fix or control or wave them away, will help your child feel heard, seen and process all these new emotions. Having a slew of mixed emotions is normal, social anxiety is normal, self-consciousness is normal and these 10 tips will help your child navigate through those emotions and hopefully make it a little easier to begin their high school years.